That day was maybe our last good day I remember, it was tainted by a lot. Now I look back I realise how dark it was too. We spent the day in town, we went for breakfast, or rather I did and you watched me eat and drank a coffee in silence. We searched forContinue reading “Saudade”
Tag Archives: trauma
Far Away
Today marked 7 months, you are getting so far away from me. I have just been missing you. I want to feel your tangible effects again. I struggle without a faith that so many have. To me, our afterlife is in the people we leave behind, in the memories of us. Your memory is soContinue reading “Far Away”
Quitting Smoking
I’m quitting smoking. I did that once before but you started happily supplying me with cigarettes 9 months later. Seems pretty dark with everything I know now. She said she’d help me like she offered months ago. I’m glad, I gave the opportunity I had to you then. To try anything to help your pain.Continue reading “Quitting Smoking”
Hello Again
The second I tried to say goodbye all of my anger towards you faded again leaving me in a another wave of pure grief. I’ve been rooted to the chair in a way I haven’t in what seems like forever but is probably only a matter of weeks. Time has lost all meaning. I lookedContinue reading “Hello Again”
Who Am I Without You?
After the revelations in the past few weeks I really want to let you go. I obviously never knew you so continuing my life in a state of grief for you seems ridiculous and dishonest. The problem is you’re a part of my identity now. When you were alive we were one of the strongestContinue reading “Who Am I Without You?”
The Headstone
Well here I am finding myself writing to you again and no, I haven’t taken down your photos. I spoke to your dad yesterday he told me he’d had you headstone engraved. He actually told me it had been done since December but this is the first time he mentioned it to me. He sentContinue reading “The Headstone”
Who Was I Living With?
I decided it was time to delete the secrets from your computer and phone. That I try and move past the betrayal. Before I did I couldn’t help but take one more look around and that’s when I found it. The darkest thing yet. You went on a fetish dating site. You used the detailsContinue reading “Who Was I Living With?”
Sorry it’s been a while
Sorry it’s been a while F. I promise I’ve been thinking of you, in fact I do pretty much nothing but. I’m somehow on the other side of Christmas without you. It was awful. I screamed on the day. By Boxing Day I was paralysed. I had to get someone else to watch the pupContinue reading “Sorry it’s been a while”
The Facts
I don’t know much for sure but all of this has been running around my head for months. This is what I do know. You told me when you were diagnosed that you had noticed something wrong with your mouth about 10 months before. When I looked in your email you had transactions with dodgyContinue reading “The Facts”
Another Punch to the Gut
Fun news today F. Right back when I found out about your secrets I attempted to follow one of the women on Instagram. Looking at other accounts I actually assumed she had died. Another tragedy. But today she accepted my follow request. She was just in hiatus. There was your secret Instagram account and emailContinue reading “Another Punch to the Gut”
What you left me with 