Crippling Anxiety

You ripped the world out from under my feet 3 times in 3 months. The first was when the doctors told us it was advanced cancer and I realised all the results you had given me, the blood tests, the appointments, the decisions on your health care, the fucking mouthguard in my house were fabrications,Continue reading “Crippling Anxiety”

Everyone else’s needs

They lost you too and they lost me with you. I try to remember that, I try to remember their guilt, they used to listen to me talk about your health, our issues, some of them begged me to leave for my own sanity. Some of them are the only people who saw you butContinue reading “Everyone else’s needs”

Sex & Death

I think about this a lot. I remember at your mothers funeral we had sex. It’s probably the comfort of the connection and who’s to say what’s healthy and what’s not? Ive found myself in a strange position without you in that all I want is that connection and you’re not here for it. IveContinue reading “Sex & Death”

The Lying

You lied to me so much, I thought you were honest. For 6 months before you were diagnosed I couldn’t find the ground under my feet. You knew, you watched, it turns out you spied on me, so you knew everything. Yet you just couldn’t tell me. You watched me grapple with self doubt, youContinue reading “The Lying”

Stuck in a loop

My feelings and thoughts get stuck in a loop. It’s all day but it happens most at this time, at night when everyone else has gone to bed, gone to their special person. Even he sleeps now, my partner in insomnia. It’s just me and the absence of you. My loop tonight, the day youContinue reading “Stuck in a loop”