Quitting Smoking

I’m quitting smoking. I did that once before but you started happily supplying me with cigarettes 9 months later. Seems pretty dark with everything I know now. She said she’d help me like she offered months ago. I’m glad, I gave the opportunity I had to you then. To try anything to help your pain.Continue reading “Quitting Smoking”

Who Was I Living With?

I decided it was time to delete the secrets from your computer and phone. That I try and move past the betrayal. Before I did I couldn’t help but take one more look around and that’s when I found it. The darkest thing yet. You went on a fetish dating site. You used the detailsContinue reading “Who Was I Living With?”

Sorry it’s been a while

Sorry it’s been a while F. I promise I’ve been thinking of you, in fact I do pretty much nothing but. I’m somehow on the other side of Christmas without you. It was awful. I screamed on the day. By Boxing Day I was paralysed. I had to get someone else to watch the pupContinue reading “Sorry it’s been a while”

Another Punch to the Gut

Fun news today F. Right back when I found out about your secrets I attempted to follow one of the women on Instagram. Looking at other accounts I actually assumed she had died. Another tragedy. But today she accepted my follow request. She was just in hiatus. There was your secret Instagram account and emailContinue reading “Another Punch to the Gut”

Crippling Anxiety

You ripped the world out from under my feet 3 times in 3 months. The first was when the doctors told us it was advanced cancer and I realised all the results you had given me, the blood tests, the appointments, the decisions on your health care, the fucking mouthguard in my house were fabrications,Continue reading “Crippling Anxiety”

Sex & Death

I think about this a lot. I remember at your mothers funeral we had sex. It’s probably the comfort of the connection and who’s to say what’s healthy and what’s not? Ive found myself in a strange position without you in that all I want is that connection and you’re not here for it. IveContinue reading “Sex & Death”