Author Archives: widowedandyoung

Sex & Death

I think about this a lot. I remember at your mothers funeral we had sex. It’s probably the comfort of the connection and who’s to say what’s healthy and what’s not? Ive found myself in a strange position without you in that all I want is that connection and you’re not here for it. IveContinue reading “Sex & Death”

The Lying

You lied to me so much, I thought you were honest. For 6 months before you were diagnosed I couldn’t find the ground under my feet. You knew, you watched, it turns out you spied on me, so you knew everything. Yet you just couldn’t tell me. You watched me grapple with self doubt, youContinue reading “The Lying”

Stuck in a loop

My feelings and thoughts get stuck in a loop. It’s all day but it happens most at this time, at night when everyone else has gone to bed, gone to their special person. Even he sleeps now, my partner in insomnia. It’s just me and the absence of you. My loop tonight, the day youContinue reading “Stuck in a loop”

Expectations

Everyone wants me to go on living without you. They expect me to get up on my feet and move like you haven’t left me. They think it will help. He described it best to me, my widowed friend, ‘I just want to stop everyone in the street and tell them my wife died’ IContinue reading “Expectations”

Why am I here?

A big question. Why am I here? I find myself writing this to communicate with a dead man. Why am I here? maybe someone will one day read this and find that they are not alone and I understand them. Why am I here? Without you? Well that’s the really big question. The one IContinue reading “Why am I here?”