widowedandyoung

The Headstone

Well here I am finding myself writing to you again and no, I haven’t taken down your photos. I spoke to your dad yesterday he told me he’d had you headstone engraved. He actually told me it had been done since December but this is the first time he mentioned it to me. He sentContinue reading “The Headstone”

Who Was I Living With?

I decided it was time to delete the secrets from your computer and phone. That I try and move past the betrayal. Before I did I couldn’t help but take one more look around and that’s when I found it. The darkest thing yet. You went on a fetish dating site. You used the detailsContinue reading “Who Was I Living With?”

Sorry it’s been a while

Sorry it’s been a while F. I promise I’ve been thinking of you, in fact I do pretty much nothing but. I’m somehow on the other side of Christmas without you. It was awful. I screamed on the day. By Boxing Day I was paralysed. I had to get someone else to watch the pupContinue reading “Sorry it’s been a while”

The Facts

I don’t know much for sure but all of this has been running around my head for months. This is what I do know. You told me when you were diagnosed that you had noticed something wrong with your mouth about 10 months before. When I looked in your email you had transactions with dodgyContinue reading “The Facts”

The Proposal

Tonight he finally proposed to her. 17 years in. I told him how much it meant to me that we weren’t married and he listened. I’m over the moon but my god is it painful. They now have everything coming we were supposed to. she’ll get to pick a dress while mine is donated toContinue reading “The Proposal”

Still Growing

Dear F. I read somewhere in the past couple of days that spouses who leave us are ‘set in amber’. I’ve thought about it a lot and you’re not yet, maybe one day you will be but for now you’re still growing for me. I’m learning so much about you. I’ve told you many timesContinue reading “Still Growing”

Another Punch to the Gut

Fun news today F. Right back when I found out about your secrets I attempted to follow one of the women on Instagram. Looking at other accounts I actually assumed she had died. Another tragedy. But today she accepted my follow request. She was just in hiatus. There was your secret Instagram account and emailContinue reading “Another Punch to the Gut”

Blackouts

I don’t know what to write to you today. I just know I want to speak to you. I miss you so much. Last night he had to pick me up from a random train station and I have no idea how I got there. One minute I’m in a bar chatting. Next I’m havingContinue reading “Blackouts”

A Quarter of a Year

Yesterday marked 3 months since you left, a quarter of a year without you. I don’t know how I’ve made it this far. Today your dad’s wife left him and went back to Italy. I think of him alone in your home without you or your mum and I worry for him. I know whenContinue reading “A Quarter of a Year”

I Just Need You

I am desperate to talk to you, to be comforted by you, to be held by you. The pup’s leg is really bad, she’s barely standing on it again and we both need you. We buried your ashes on Friday, it was the hardest part so far. So final, you were in such a smallContinue reading “I Just Need You”