Sweetheart

It’s gone wrong with this guy I’ve been seeing already. It reminds me how special you were. There won’t be another like you.

The problem I face with relationships after you is that I’m so unsure on my feet.

I can’t tell if I’m overreacting to things because I am damaged, if my feelings and understandings are clouded by your loss and betrayal, if I’m getting any of it right.

Last night I stayed out drinking by myself, after 11 years with me you knew this was not odd behaviour. I sit at the bar, I chat, I make new friends.

Not to say you were never annoyed. You hated when I went no contact because I was distracted, or if I over did it the night before we had plans. That was reasonable. I learnt to curb those two behaviours, although I wasn’t always perfect. I don’t owe anyone this anymore. There’s no one for me to improve for or answer to.

He sent me a message ‘you should get back. You don’t want to be out too late sweetheart’

I felt instantly patronised and controlled. In our 11 years together you never said anything like this to me. After 6 weeks it seems completely unreasonable to me.

He says I’m wrong, he was just being kind, that I’ve twisted his words, that he’s hurt and angry.

This is where I struggle. Am I completely wrong? I’m not sure I have a grasp on reality anymore. However if I’m right he’s using that and it makes it worse.

Then he spelt my name wrong. You knew how I felt about that. It’s disrespectful and shows you don’t care. At the end you started doing it too. I couldn’t tell if it was because you were angry at me or if it was your drug addled mind. I decided to let you even though it bothered me so much. I thought we had bigger battles to fight together to waste anytime on that. I won’t let other people do it though, you earned my patience and acceptance over a long time xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: