Another Punch to the Gut

Fun news today F. Right back when I found out about your secrets I attempted to follow one of the women on Instagram. Looking at other accounts I actually assumed she had died. Another tragedy. But today she accepted my follow request. She was just in hiatus. There was your secret Instagram account and email address commenting on everything. Another punch to the gut.

I expect as well as ruining relationships her career also causes her significant damage. I’m sure it’s made her too ill to work for a long time. I guess it’s another woman you’ve been destroying with your selfishness. Not that she is innocent.

The truth is the betrayal will never go away, you have broken me forever. I will never love another man because I will never trust one again.

You have destroyed my life completely with your lies. You destroyed yours too but you’re not here to feel the pain of it.

I can’t imagine even as you knew how bad it was you imagined me having to pack up our life, having to register your death and hear them call you single, these things wouldn’t have occurred to you at all. You left me lots of painful work to do as well as just the pain of losing you and the lack of future I have now.

Even as I sit in my pure anger today I carried on the project I started for the ones that love you. I’m posting a record every day as I listen to it so they can know your collection. They will never know this other side of you, I’ll protect you from that.

Your dad wanted your CDs. When I gave them to him it occurred to me that you might have been hiding your fetish videos with your music for years and I threw away all of the burnt ones in case there was something there that would embarrass you or hurt him. I wish you had protected me from the hurt. You knew you were going to die, why didn’t you delete every account? You had time.

How could you do this to me? I was strong and interesting, I was fun, I connected with people. Now there’s nothing left of me. You did that. I may have had a part to play but you were in control.

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